2019-02-03 15:00 fiction flash-fiction

Recruiter

When he woke up in the middle of the night the devil was there, on the couch.

"I was thirsty. I had a strange dream in which I was very thirsty. So I decided to get up and get a drink of water," he said.

The devil nodded, acknowledging this as a reasonable course of action.

"What are you doing here?" he asked the devil.

The devil was red of course, but always a paler shade than he'd expected. And there were the horns — but they were understated, even manicured. He wasn't wearing a robe, or intimidating, perhaps suggestive leather accessories, but quite ordinary clothes. The pants were slim, in a tan, cotton twill. The shirt was a quiet checkered pattern with the top two buttons undone and the sleeves rolled up to the upper third of his forearms. He was wearing an apple watch. The shoes were Clarks. And the socks, which he saw about an inch worth, were predictably scarlet.

"I'm just checking in. Touching base," the devil said. "Have you considered the opportunity?" he asked.

"I'm not sure it's a good for for me right now," he replied.

"I hear you, I hear you," the devil said, "although the perks are amazing. Really top notch."

"Yes, so you've said."

The devil shrugged. "I mean, you don't have to take my word for it, just ask Lewis, in your bathroom. He'll tell you."

"Lewis? In my bathroom?"

"Right," the devil nodded enthusiastically, "in your bathroom. You had to piss anyway, yes? While you're up? I figured you and Lewis could talk about the position, about the culture. No matter what you decide it never hurts to keep networking, right?"

"Yeah," he said.

The devil sat and smiled. He did have to urinate. He could also get a drink from the bathroom sink, although this is something he generally eschewed, but given the circumstances he'd make an exception. He walked a few feet to the bathroom, reflexively hitting the light switch without looking as he stepped in. There was Lewis, he assumed, standing in the bathtub.

"Hi, I'm Lewis," Lewis said.

"Hello Lewis. You don't mind if I pee a bit do you?" he said, lifting the seat.

"No, no. Go right ahead," Lewis said cheerily.

He began to pee.

"I mean, look, I don't want to seem like I'm trying to sell this to you," Lewis said.

"OK," he replied.

"I'm not the kind of person who normally tries to recruit people," Lewis added.

"Sure," he said. He urinated more forcefully.

"But this is really a unique opportunity. I had my doubts too, but it worked out great. Nice folks, smart folks, very supportive. And the perks–"

"Yes, the perks are amazing," he said, finishing up then hitting the handle.